Thursday, June 28, 2007


I think I am just now beginning to love my daughter as much as I love my son. I seem to finally be letting myself love her fully. I loved my son since before I could feel him kick. I loved him full-on, en total, completely, with reckless abandon. It shattered my heart to hand him over, but I loved him so much I gave him to a family I thought would give him everything I couldn't.

What makes me think that I am finally truly loving my daughter? Because I read this post today and the song that instantly popped into my head was "More Than Words" which was way popular during my last trimester of pregnancy with my son. That song makes me want to go back in time because it reminds me of all the good feelings of love and hope I had those last two months of my pregnancy. Sometimes I want to be back there with the option to change things, or at least do a better job of asserting myself.

For the first time when I thought of that song, I thought of both of my babies, and maybe, just maybe, after first learning of my daughter's existence in my womb 2 years and 5 months ago, I can stop being afraid to love her as fully as is possible. I wish it hadn't taken this long.


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