Tuesday, June 05, 2007

At the Post Office

Today was my last day at my now-old job and I have a certain sense of relief, freedom and joy that I haven't had lately. I've already started my new job (training on my day off from my old job) so when I go back to my new job tomorrow I will already have a comfort level with what I'm doing there. So now I can relax a little and create a new routine and lifestyle. Yay!

I stopped by the post office today on my way home from work to mail a couple of things. The clerk oohed and aahed over my daughter as many people do, and offered me a book of stamps in return for her. This happens from time to time - people saying lightheartedly that they'll give me such-and-such for her and while I laughingly make the appropriate response, I'm always thinking to myself how nothing could ever make me give her away. Then I handed him the second package, the birthday package, and as my daughter sat there on the counter I thought of how there was my precious daughter right next to a package that in a sense represented my son. My living, breathing, beautiful girl next to a package going to a family who did get a baby from me. And I wondered if the clerk knew, because he seemed to sober up a little. After all, when something is addressed to three people, first name only, c/o an attorney, it seems like those who have been around the block a few times would have figured out why.

And since I had to mail the package today to get there in time for his birthday, I finally made myself (re)write the response to the Christmas letter. I had to update it a little and I also added a note to my son in his birthday card. In it I referenced M&P, specifically calling them his parents and how his mom told me how he liked a wide variety of music. So between that and the letter to them, I am hoping they have enough information to decide to be in touch more regularly and/or more directly. I don't want to wait until he's 18. Waiting until then infers that any contact would establish a relationship with just him and I want a relationship with him and his family because I want to learn about him from his parents' perspective (as well as from him directly) and more importantly for him, I don't want to cause him any "me or them" issues.

While the letter is finally written and sent to them, waiting for a response won't weigh on me as much for the short term since my focus was on him, his gifts, his card and my note to him. I love him incredibly much and I am grateful that I am able to share a little bit about myself with him, including my love for him through a celebration of his birthday.


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