Thursday, May 31, 2007

Conversational Surprise

I was training at my new job today. A woman came in who made a comment about dropping off her younger daughter on the way there. To be conversational, I casually asked how old the daughter was and she said, "10 months, and I'm in the process of adopting her."

My heart caught and I asked if it was through the foster system, praying the answer was yes because there really are a lot of neglected and abused children that need good homes. (I personally cannot understand how someone, and especially a mother, can neglect or abuse a baby or child, that is just so beyond me.) But no, it wasn't through the foster system. It turns out this woman works for an adoption agency and apparently "gets" the babies once they're about 36 hours old and keeps them for a week or two until they are placed, but with this baby, she's had her since she was just over 24 hours old and "it was different" and now they're adopting her even though the Mom has two teenagers.

I just didn't know what to say which was okay since once she started sharing she didn't stop. Many emotions ran through me and I so desperately wanted to ask about the baby's birthmother and how birthmothers were treated by her agency, etc. etc. etc. But of course I kept my mouth shut.

I had such conflicting feelings, strongest of which was that I didn't like her which was battling with the fact that I knew that wasn't fair. It made me mad that I couldn't bring myself to say outloud what was running through my head: "How sad for the baby's birthmother that she couldn't raise her," or "it must have been really hard for the birthmother to let her go," because I was afraid that would make her mad.

I can't help but wonder what she thinks of birthmothers as she appears to bop along in her side of the adoption world, every day. And of course I'm making assumptions about her, about her baby's birthmother, and about everything for that matter.

She named the agency when she was happily spouting out all the information she did share and so I may call them to see if they have a birthmother support group. Somehow I doubt it.


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