Grumblings

As the Birthday approaches I am reminded of how I gave my son to M and P so that he would have a better life, not because I didn't want him. I hate the assumption that adopted babies are unwanted. I suppose that could be true for some people, but for many of us birthmothers, it isn't. We were convinced, somehow, that others would give our children a better life and what mother doesn't want the best life possible for her child?

And it hurts to not be his mom. I grieve not knowing the mother I would have been to my son. I know I would have been a different mother than the one I am to my daughter. Not worse, not better, just different. But I'll never know that person. I hope to someday know my son.

I was standing in line at the post office at the end of my lunch break. There was a TV in the corner to distract customers from how long they are actually waiting for one of the grumpy clerks. While I was standing at the counter waiting for my credit card to process, my back to the TV, a commercial for one of those "Feed the Children" type of charities came on promising that your $22 a month would help a specific child and you would get a letter a picture once a year (or did the announcer say twice?) about your child.

I'd pay more than that to get a picture and letter once a year about my son.