Lent

As I mentioned in the Ash Wednesday post, I observed Lent this year by giving something up - the same thing I've been giving up since voluntarily observing Lent for the first time in 2004. (I didn't observe in 2006 since I was overwhelmed with parenting an infant.)

It was really hard this time - not in the sense that I craved what I temporarily gave up, but that I just felt really, really out of sorts. And it ended the moment Lent did and I allowed myself to consume again what I had fasted from for 40 days.

I couldn't figure out why I felt so odd. Today I have an idea, though. I am just not very good to myself and this thing that I partake in every day (except during Lent) is my one treat. (And no, it's not chocolate.) So by taking that away, I took away the one thing that doesn't serve a strictly utilitarian purpose in my everyday life. I've realized how many stupid self-sacrificing restrictions I've put on myself and my life.

So what Lent taught me is I need to be better to myself. I think I already started that process, at least in my mind, very recently - starting to acknowledge things I enjoy, things I want to do, things I need to go ahead and start doing because tomorrow IS today. There's never going to be a day that just arrives and says, "Okay, today is the day you can have cream in your coffee instead of non-dairy creamer." I am the one who can make that day be today. I just gotta let go a little, notice the world doesn't end by doing so, and live.