Tuesday, August 22, 2006

His sister

My son has a sister who was adopted after he was. I think it's great that he doesn't get to grow up alone. However, his sister's birthmother wants no contact and sends no birthday and Christmas gifts. This is what M told me in the Christmas letter that included the news about the sister several years ago. That letter or a later one mentioned that it was a little awkward that he got gifts from his birthmother and she didn't get gifts from hers. It's also been explained to me in most letters that he is quite caring and compassionate in general, and rather protective of his sister. While I regret that the situation is awkward for him, I made the decision that I would still send gifts, and I always include a Christmas gift for her so she doesn't feel completely excluded. (I know that isn't the same thing as getting something from her birthmother, but I can't change that.) I don't feel that it is fair to me or my son to not take the opportunity to show him that I think of him, remember him and love him.

His sister's lack of contact with her birthmother makes me wonder if that has made an impact on the letters, contact and relationship in general, and if so, how. I really did think that by now he would have wanted some contact with me.

And I don't understand why a birthmother wouldn't want at least some degree of communication. Maybe at first she thinks that is what she wanted, but I wonder if she has changed her mind in the meantime? I wonder if she has contacted them, or if she knows how to if she changes her mind. She has a beautiful daughter who appears happy and active in the pictures I've seen of her with my son. And she has a great brother. I hope to see them both some day.


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