Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Lottery

I've never been one to play the lottery. But I did when I got back from giving my son to his adoptive parents. I was so torn between the unexpected love I felt for my son and going through with the adoption. We stopped at a convenience store and I thought, hey, I'll play the lottery. If I win, not only will we have the money to support him but it will be a sign that I am supposed to keep him. Of course, we didn't win.

I had forgotten about that until I was standing in a convenience store this weekend staring at the display of scratch-off tickets while I waited for the line to move. What came back to me was not just the memory of the action, but the raw emotion, the desperate hope I felt as I bought it. And I haven't been able to shake it.


Blogger Maxine said...

I've had a few really powerful moments like that. I've written about it before, but the day my milk came in after my daughter was born was really intense, I had this profound and startling memory of the day my son's milk came in and how scary and painful it was...

1:09 PM  

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