Patient and powerless
A few days ago, Casey wrote: I'm struggling today with seeing the difference between being patient and being passive. Later in the post she uses the word powerless instead of passive.
I immediately thought of how that describes my wait as a birthmother. I wait to hear from the adoptive parents. I wait in hope that my son wants to know me in person to some degree - phone, email, live?
Is my waiting a form of patience or just being passive? I feel I've lost so much time in this stance. So I chalk it up to passive at this point because I feel powerless. It takes a lot of time and not a little energy to be passive as we powerlessly wonder, worry and wait. Is it futile? Will he ever know how much I love him?
I immediately thought of how that describes my wait as a birthmother. I wait to hear from the adoptive parents. I wait in hope that my son wants to know me in person to some degree - phone, email, live?
Is my waiting a form of patience or just being passive? I feel I've lost so much time in this stance. So I chalk it up to passive at this point because I feel powerless. It takes a lot of time and not a little energy to be passive as we powerlessly wonder, worry and wait. Is it futile? Will he ever know how much I love him?
posted by Jayne at 9:17 PM
1 Comments:
I did ask about contact in my letter that accompanied his birthday gift last year. M's Christmas letter contained no reference to my request for contact but did ask what my long term goals are which I've been blogging about ever since. I've gone from hurt to angry at this point. I think I need to work through a little more before I do anything as far as answering her letter and asking again.
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