Oh, yeah, I am SO okay

So, in one of my several thoughts a day about my son, who I am "so" okay with his not wanting contact, etc. etc., it struck me yesterday morning as I did my make-up. A coloring.

I mean really.

Would it have killed her to take one of those umpteenth colored pages of nothing that he drew and she was throwing away, tri-folded it, put a stamp on it and sent it to me?

I think not.

I would love to have had one. ONE.

And I know I had that thought before. Back when he was little enough to have made those.

And I forgot.

Until yesterday.

The cobwebs came off, the door opened.

And it hurt.

Just as much.