Tuesday, May 30, 2006


So I am feeling pretty sad. My niece and sister-in-law recently gave birth and I thought maybe that was it - you know, bringing up the bittersweet memories. But then on the way to work this morning I realized it was because his birthday is coming up. It's kinda funny (not haha) how I can feel sad about something before I consciously realize the reason.

I guess the grief process is just a wheel rather than a linear process. Jealousy, which I posted about yesterday, is one stop, and sadness another. Once The Birthday is past, perhaps it will be easier again.

Part of what I am grieving is my loss of his babyhood and childhood ... and that is something I will never have. I have just those four days, and while I have the memories, I can't go back in time. I will never know what it was like to be his mother beyond that time.


Blogger Barb said...

i hear you, Jayne.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Cookie said...

Hi Jayne - I'm Cookie - first time at your blog. When I relinquished my son, I was already a mom to a daughter, then 5 years later had another son.

I think if you want to write to your son's aparents, you should. I'm big on that "nothing ventured, nothing gained theory".

2:27 AM  

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