Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bonding, etc.

Thanks, Barb for letting me know about Blogging Birthmothers. I've read a few and have found food for thought as I try to sort some things out.

Bear's Mommy wrote: So I know that a woman who experiences a pregnancy loss will have a hard time bonding with that child until she is past the point of the loss.
It's funny how seeing something you suspect but don't know validates your feelings and helps you to move onto the next stage (of healing? of the journey?). As I mentioned, my daughter and I didn't bond during the pregnancy and even until after she was past that completely helpless infant stage. But last night I realized that I feel alive again for the first time since I gave my son to his adoptive parents. I had noticed a certain "living in the moment" with my daughter, but I chalked it up to the immediacy of her needs (in other words learning there is NO planning with a newborn!) and just taking in the moments one at a time. But now I think I just withdrew in a cave of sorts all these years and just functioned. I know I felt I had something to prove - I was such an overachiever at work and even at life. It was like I was searching for the fulfillment I had felt while pregnant but couldn't feel as a parent because I was not in a place in my life to be a parent. I think I started this blog in an effort to make sure I do truly bond with my daughter because our minds are very strong things and I am not sure how much of myself I am truly giving her. I also wonder if I do or will do things in certain ways because of losing my son. For example, I have been completely adamant about breastfeeding even though I've had struggles. Is this because I couldn't breastfeed my firstborn? Or because I am just a stubborn person? (lol)

2 Comments:

Blogger Barb said...

anytime, Jayne. :)

6:05 PM  
Blogger Maxine said...

I wonder about the breastfeeding thing, too. I'm really hardcore about it sometimes, and it makes me so sad that my son was never breastfed... Welcome to the ring :)

1:48 PM  

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