Regret
When I'm honest with myself the truth is that I Regret giving up my son.
The Regret has been the elephant in front of me that I keep trying to cover up with sheer curtains of "but his life is better", "he has good parents", etc.
If I truly believed these things I wouldn't have to re-read the messages on the curtains every time to remind myself of those things.
I am tired of spending energy reminding myself.
The truth is I Regret my decision. And the Regret has been there ever since the moment he was laid in my arms.
The Regret has been the elephant in front of me that I keep trying to cover up with sheer curtains of "but his life is better", "he has good parents", etc.
If I truly believed these things I wouldn't have to re-read the messages on the curtains every time to remind myself of those things.
I am tired of spending energy reminding myself.
The truth is I Regret my decision. And the Regret has been there ever since the moment he was laid in my arms.
posted by Jayne at 5:43 PM
2 Comments:
(((((((((((((((((Jayne)))))))))))))) I am so sorry.
You're not alone. Not at all. So very many of us regret it, and are angry at those who stood by and either egged us on or outright did nothing.
I know it's hard, by maybe you should let yourself feel the regret. Maybe you should even get angry. Otherwise, you will just have to keep repressing like this, and you will remain depressed for the benefit of others- unable to heal or to come to terms with yourself.
Anger might make others uncomfortable, but it's a step towards healing- a very important step.
Regret is painful, but not nearly so painful as trying to hide your feeling so everyone else can feel content.
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