The Language of Flowers
These words really resonated with me. Sure, they are part of the adoption "kook aid", but they are what I thought back then, too. I've changed words for my own situation. This segment took me back 23 years, like it was last week.
"But as much as I wanted to be reunited, I would not go to [him]. My desire for my [son] felt selfish. Leaving [him] with [M] had been the most loving act I had ever accomplished. Without me, my [son] would be [better off]. [M] would love [him]. It was everything I wanted for [him]."
The hurt never goes away. I wish I had not just changed my mind, but that I had done something about it, not cared what others thought. Now it is too late. At least he's had a good life. So good he doesn't want or need me. That's what I get for doing what I thought was best.