Death
My father died a week ago this morning, 8 weeks and 15 hours after being diagnosed with lung cancer.
I know people mean well by sending sympathy cards or saying "I'm sorry," but for me it just comes across as "HEY!!!! HE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE!" Just a big, fat, ugly reminder. And I am not handling it well.
Sure part of me registers that I'm in the denial phase of grief, with some bright touches of the anger phase. I'm angry at him for not facing it, not dealing with it, not giving ANY of us a farewell, including my mother whom he adored for reasons none of us ever understood.
And then there are the comments, again by well meaning people. "You're awfully young for your dad to have died." NO SHIT. But what I said was, "So was he," in a tone that said, "Drop it, lady." She got the hint, thankfully. And the email from someone else that said something along the lines of a mother being most important, but a dad being #2 is also a hard loss. Wrong buddy. My dad was my hero.
I know people mean well by sending sympathy cards or saying "I'm sorry," but for me it just comes across as "HEY!!!! HE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE!" Just a big, fat, ugly reminder. And I am not handling it well.
Sure part of me registers that I'm in the denial phase of grief, with some bright touches of the anger phase. I'm angry at him for not facing it, not dealing with it, not giving ANY of us a farewell, including my mother whom he adored for reasons none of us ever understood.
And then there are the comments, again by well meaning people. "You're awfully young for your dad to have died." NO SHIT. But what I said was, "So was he," in a tone that said, "Drop it, lady." She got the hint, thankfully. And the email from someone else that said something along the lines of a mother being most important, but a dad being #2 is also a hard loss. Wrong buddy. My dad was my hero.
posted by Jayne at 9:15 AM
1 Comments:
(((((((((((((((((Jayne))))))))))))) that all I know to do... I have no words. There are none.
Post a Comment
<< Home